Displaying abusive behaviours?
Do you recognise that you are displaying abusive behaviours or tactics to your partner, ex-partner or someone in your family? It’s important to face up to how your behaviour impacts your partner, even if it is not physical violence.
Domestic abuse is never acceptable, and it is never the fault of the person being hurt. The person being abuse is the only person responsible for their actions. However, with support you can change your attitudes and behaviour.
Perhaps you are controlling someone’s finances, or what they wear and who they see. Maybe you find yourself getting jealous when they are with friends. You might have started putting them down, belittling them or humiliating them.
Most people get into relationships because they care for their partner. You may not intend on hurting them, but you are. If you have children, they too will be affected by your behaviour. You may be feeling bad about how you’ve behaved — ashamed or guilty.
It is common for people to face up to what they’ve done and how it is affecting others, and you might find yourself minimising things and pretending things aren’t that bad. You might find yourself blaming the abuse on external factors such as work stress, money worries or things that have happened in your past. However, many people experience these things and are not abusive to their partners. One of the first steps to ending abuse is to take full responsibility for your behaviour.
Where to get help
The Respect website provides lots of useful information to help you recognise your abusive behaviour and suggests ways you can tackle it. This website is not designed as an alternative to a specialist behaviour-change programme but if you get in touch, Respect offers information, advice and guidance to people exhibiting abusive behaviours. They also run a free and confidential helpline offering information and advice to people who are abusive towards their partners and want help to stop.
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