Male Victim-Survivors

Being abused by somebody you love and trust is confusing and bewildering for any victim-survivors regardless of gender.

The emotions victim-survivors experience will be similar, but the barriers to accessing support may look very different.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 999

For all victims of abuse, the message is the same:

It’s not your fault.

You are not alone.

Help is available.

First steps:

Admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, but men often don’t have the social and support networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member.

Men may not have friendships and relationships where they feel they can open up and talk about their personal lives.

Phone lines, like the Men’s Advice Line, create opportunities to talk in confidence.

I’m in an abusive relationship what can I do?

  • Recognise what is happening to you
  • Realise that you are not to blame
  • Try and seek support in order to end the relationship. Your personal safety is of paramount importance
  • Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any
  • Keep a photographic record of injuries.
  • Report each incident to your GP or hospital, if possible
  • Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor
  • Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved
  • Ensure that you have your evidence

I’m in a controlling relationship what can I do?

  • Contact a local domestic abuse service and talk about it
  • Recognise the strategies you adopt to manage the control
  • Find someone you can trust and talk it through
  • Whilst most victims are female, services do recognise that male victims exist, so talk to them
  • Document what is happening and how that makes you feel, you can also trust someone else to keep these notes or records for you
  • Remember that someone displaying a pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is a criminal offence

Further Reading and Resources

  • Respect Toolkit for work with male victims of domestic abuse – Respect, 2019
  • Break the Silence – from author Lee Marks and based on his knowledge and experience from years as a support coordinator in this field, this book aims to provide support to male victims of domestic abuse. It covers recognising what abuse is, looking at behaviours of a female perpetrator, advice on how to stay safe, a look at legal options and advice around healthy relationships to assist in moving forward.